On September 10th, 2007, I was on the cloud nine of my journey, sitting in my favourite café. The hot coffee to my taste and I recalled after a year in MAGBoard, a melee of images which had been imprinted on my mind. I was hugely fascinated by the drumbeat of panic that was beginning to pound in my heart which threatened to violently leap out.
There was an air of excitement that was keeping me absorbed deep inside the crevices of my mind. Something that could hardly find its way into words but could speak not only in these silent symbols but more often and loudly in the acts of my life. A decision so much taken yet so untaken, shaking me off my feet. My mind was a platform of intertwining thoughts and debate.
“Can I prove to be a great leader? Lead my team in various atrocities and come out with the same brilliance??”
This was the question and I had my serious doubts. I was listing all the loopholes in me.
“There is nothing special about me.”
“I never had any serious volunteering experience before.”
“I am a very bad speaker.”
“I am complex but down to earth emotional fool who gets carried away very easily.”
“I never happen to stand out in company.”
“What if after deciding in affirmation I find myself corralled by fences, plagued by unpleasant noise and harassed by people all around!!??!!”
I felt devastated like a terminal patient whose life-support system had been taken away.
LOL, it was indeed appalling to realize the number of pathetic people who are hampered and made miserable by the malady popularly called the inferiority complex.
But then I thought, I need not suffer from this trouble. All I have to do is enjoy confidence, success, joy and all the goodie-goodies of life.
Thank god, I made the right and firm decision that day.
“Yes I can and I will. I can if I think I can.”
And trust me this has changed the entire process of my life. It was a break through in my normal going college life.
In the present day scenario, unknown faces walk up to me in UIET and greet “Hi!” Sycophantic people, pass sugarcoated smiles and show honey like gestures which they never showed before. I enter the college premises and so many eyes get locked at me. People turn around and pass glances of admiration and awe.
Changed perceptions, changed people, everybody is different. Situations change; it’s just that you have to keep changing with time.
I never knew that a fellow good-for-nothing-much girl will be feted, felicitated, honoured, awarded, mobbed and showered with all kinds of adjectival praise. Life is at its best!!
My friends and well wishers forewarned me “Ninja, beware of such people. They might just take you for a ride. You aren’t yet worldly wise. This is a treacherous world and so BEWARE!!”
Beware?? But my mind was as concrete as ever!!!!
As they say--
Two roads, when you have to choose.
One is very smooth and predicted
Other very thorny and unprecedented,
Full of hurdles and surprises.
Take the second road
That’s where you find your true self
Grow as a different breed altogether
Not as a bulldog,
But as an oversized pomerrian.
Have faith in yourself
And God who seems so vast
That you are like an insect in his sight
And yet God will reside in you!
I realized that day; there is no fault in me. If any, then it is in my mind that I do not confide in my abilities. I realized that day, the power of positive thinking. A sense of inferiority and inadequacy interfered with my hopes, but self-confidence would certainly lead to self-realization and successful achievement.
Now, please don’t think I feel I have overcome all fears. I haven’t. I am one of those people who have to do a day-to-day job on them. But gradually I am learning to control myself and be less critical. And it is like being released from a prison. I just never dreamed that life could be so full and wonderful after being the Convener of MAGBoard.
